This is not a fun post.

I've mentioned before, I think, that I have a heart that sometimes, kinda frequently, skips a beat.  It's been checked out VERY thoroughly, it's no big deal, lots of people (even the doctor I saw) have something similar.  I even saw my heart on a screen during an echocardiogram, which I went in for just to be sure things were okay.  I saw the skips.  The technician running the machine (pretty much a sonogram), as she was watching my heart flip and flop and skip, said it was a "very strong" heart.  So, no reason to worry.

But sometimes the darn thing just skips more noticeably than usual, and I do think about it, and it still kinda freaks me out to a mild degree.  It's been kinda doing that this week.  And I try to find reasons for why it's doing this.  I'm gonna experiment with drinking no diet pop now.  I'll let you know how that goes.  Or I'll forget and leave you hanging, like usual.  I think the skipping is more a result of me feeling stressed about stuff, but if it's diet pop, that'd be better.  I don't even like diet pop, I just drink it frequently because it has no calories.  And apparently I'm that kind of person now.

Anyway, and I know this sounds dramatic and morbid, I figure someday that this is what'll do me in.  This overly sensitive, attention-starved, goofy heart of mine.  I don't expect a heart attack.  I just figure it'll stop one day.  Just stop thumping.  Maybe I'll pass out.  That should be fun.  I may be 90 years old when it happens.  Maybe I'll be 40.  Maybe 57 (I won't tell you why I choose that age).  But it seems plausible.  Not really.  But kinda.  I know it's all a very ridiculous idea.  I HAVE been told that this is nothing.  But when you FEEL your heart being wonky inside your chest, it's just plain unsettling.

I think I just need to let it go.  Not worry.  If I keel over tomorrow, so be it.  Why worry about that?

At least, when I die, I'll be able to look back at all I've accomplished, all I've done, all I've seen, satisfied in the knowledge that I haven't wasted my life at all.  Ha, ha.  No, that's not how I feel at all.

I don't think I'll like the soundtrack, either.

I've decided to start a new feature here at The Galloping Hessian.  I'm ever so excited.  The idea came to me as I was waiting for The Help (WHICH IS AWESOME) to start at the theatre today.  I was watching a bunch of crappy trailers, and I started to think, "there are so many ways you can tell that these movies will just not be good."  And I decided right then and there that I should start ... well, reviewing, in a sense, movie trailers.  But the reviews I write will take the form of, "ways you can tell this movie will be good," or "ways you can tell this movie will suck."  I'll make little lists (my favorite!).  So let's give this a go, shall we?  I give you the trailer FOR ... New Year's Eve.  I'll let you watch, then we can discuss.  Well, not "discuss" so much, because I don't allow comments!  Ha, ha!  I'm so charming.  Yeeeah.  Anyway, here you go:

Doesn't that look SUPER?  I've seen the trailer twice now, before, as I said, The Help, and before ... hmm, maybe that Anne Hathaway movie a few weeks ago that was pretty so-so.  But let's explore just what in this trailer makes this movie look as if it will be good or bad:

Evidence in the New Year's Eve trailer that this will be a good movie:

- It features Michelle Pfeiffer, in serious-Michelle dark hair.
- The random Ashton Kutcher line about Kanye almost works.
- Seth Meyers asking, about Jessica Biel's water breaking, "all of it?"  Almost certainly the movie's best line.
- Zac Efron doesn't annoy me like I think he probably should.  Yeah, his part with Michelle is clearly the part I'd like best.

That's all I can say that's sorta positive.

NOW, evidence in the trailer that the movie will blow.  Blow chunks, even:

- The blingy Warner Brothers logo at the beginning.  Bad start.  It serves as a warning for what's to come, though.
- Hey, there's Josh Duhamel.  He's like a mascot for lame movies.
- Hilary Swank is slumming.
- Zac says, "it's New Year's Eve, bro."  If you hear "bro" from a really white guy in a trailer like this, it's almost like the producers are whispering in your ear that yes, this movie is bound to be stupid.
- It looks as if a lot of the movie takes place in Times Square.  Which is totally not predictable.  At all.
- Ashton Kutcher has a wonderful beard in this one.
- There's Sarah Jessica Parker!  Doing that voice she does when she's narrating Sex and the City!  In other words, note to dudes: you will hate this movie.  And ooh, SJP is designing some kind of Renaissance Faire costume!  That looks like a fun storyline.
- "From the people who brought you Valentine's Day."  Wow, that's a plus?  Really?  Also, duh.  IT'S THE SAME MOVIE.
- From "the director of Pretty Woman."  My mom loves Pretty Woman, and I know many people do, but it's a very ordinary movie.  Seriously, go back and re-watch it.
- WHAT?  KATHERINE HEIGL IS IN THIS?  WITH JOSH DUHAMEL?  I guess the producers are trying to capitalize on the box office success of ... whatever that movie was called that they were in together recently.  Also, Katherine Heigl almost never makes good movies.  Knocked Up?  Good.  But this one looks to be about on the same level as 27 Dresses.
- Katherine slaps Jon Bon.  So unnecessary.  WHY DID SHE SLAP HIM AGAIN?  NOOOO!
- I hate that font so much.
- Ryan Seacrest makes a cameo.
- Seriously, must we plug Toshiba on the Jumbotron IN THE TRAILER?
- Who is that girl?  That's Abigail Breslin?  Why so much makeup?  And ugh, run away, Abigail, back to the good movies I usually see you in!
- Looks like Ashton and Lea Michele spend the movie mostly in a dank cell somewhere.
- That guy talking about serendipity, hmm.  Does he know what he's talking about?  No, he does not.
- "Is it New Year's Eve?  Is it?"  I GUESS IT MUST BE.
- The STAR MONTAGE!  WOOOOO!  I think there's a limit on how many stars a movie can have before it starts to suck.  This one, like Valentine's Day, obliterates that limit.
- Robert DeNiro?  WTF?

Whew.  That was exhausting.  I promise, most of my "reviews" will not be this long.  There was just so much to cover in that trailer!  SO much!  So yeah, I may not be seeing this movie.  Though I did end up watching Valentine's Day on cable one night.  It was awful, but it DID have one redeeming quality, which was Taylor Swift being goofy.  New Year's Eve doesn't look like it has Taylor.  I might enjoy the Pfeiffer/Efron part.  And I sorta like Lea Michele for some reason.  But overall, I'm pretty much expecting this to be a one and a half star flick.  AWESOME.

The end!  Until I feel inspired by another trailer.  Oooh.

End of summer TV! Boring.

Oh, hi.  Did I say something about blogging regularly?  About a three-part TV series?  Ha!  I am SO funny.  And so slack.  Yeah, I'll get around to that last TV post eventually.  Or ... okay, I'll finish it right now.

The summer TV series I loved this year was ............... TEEN WOLF.  Yeah, I dug it.  It was sorta campy, sure.  But I love me a good werewolf adventure, and this one was pretty darn fun and addictive.  The cast was uniformly good, and I'm really, truly excited that it'll be back next year for another season.  It's dark, moody, angsty, teenagey fun.

And because it has now been off the air for a few weeks, I can't remember what else I was going to say.  Sorry about that.  I AM SO SLACK HERE.

But I wanted to talk about something ELSE tonight!  Yeah!  I'm gonna do it in a new post, though.  This one's ruined.  Or something.  Be right back.

Sacre-coeur.

I'm sitting here tonight watching Amelie for the hundredth time (but the first time in HD; it's finally on Blu-ray, c'est magnifique!), and there's the little part early in the film where young Amelie is so excited by the simple touch of her father's hand that her heart races. Races to such a degree that he diagnoses her with a heart defect (she has grown up with practically no physical contact with anyone, so each touch is a big thing) and declares her unfit for school.

I was never diagnosed with a defect of the coeur.

I attended l'ecole.

But the rest of that hits a tad close to home.

It's not especially fun to be tightly-wound.

And yes, sometimes the coeur does flutter out of control. J'ai un peu mal au coeur.

(Actual French speakers, I apologize for any errors in that last sentence. I'm woefully out of practice, but I want to reteach myself your lovely language. And then go live in Paris.)

Blog Fairy.

Someone should have warned me at some point that I shouldn't watch the Tinker Bell straight-to-DVD movies.  It was inevitable that I would love them.  Seriously, it was.  I knew I would.  They're beautifully animated and the stories are all nice and happy and yeah, of course I would like them!  And there's a gentle sweetness to them that's actually refreshing.  No snark, no sarcasm, no wink-wink pop culture references.  Shrek, it is not (though I do love me some Shrek, and I'm seriously looking forward to Puss In Boots!).  I love all the characters from Tink herself to rival Vidia to Clank to Rosetta to yeah, everyone else.  I love the design of the characters and the world in which they live.  The world is so lush and lovely.  So yeah, I'm hooked.  I'm watching these out of order, starting with "The Great Fairy Rescue" and then the first movie, and I have yet to see "Lost Treasure" (though I will see it soon, I assure you).  But it doesn't matter so much.  I've enjoyed them immensely so far.

So the NEXT installment, "The Pixie Hollow Games," is going to premiere on the Disney Channel?  I guess that's a good thing rather than sending it straight to DVD, but I was sorta surprised to see that.  I think these are absolutely theatre-quality, easy (they're better than a whole lot of the stuff I do pay to see), but yeah, I guess a TV debut is okay.  I'll be there, anyway.

And "Pixie Hollow Games" may be slated for an October release on DVD and Blu?  If that's right, then this is just further proof that October is THE BEST MONTH.  Everything is better in October.  EVERYTHING.

When it comes to super manly posts, I keep topping myself, don't I?  Not sure how I'll get more manly than animated fairies, but I'm sure I'll find a way.

Thoughts while waiting to ride the Griffon.

I've been away for a couple of days (almost a couple of days), but as I was roaming the streets and enjoying the coasters in Williamsburg last night, a wee bit of obvious advice for the young people of the world popped into my Alpengeist-rattled brain (because my head is never clearer than when it has been thoroughly jolted repeatedly in all directions by a variety of thrill rides).

My advice is this:

If you possibly can, if there is ANY way, make sure you fall in love before you turn, say, 25 years old. I don't mean sex, because sex isn't love, and that is not at all what I'm talking about. I mean love. Just being with someone you can't stand to be away from. Someone who makes you feel giddy, good, happy, fulfilled. Someone who, yes, makes you feel like the greatest thing in the world is standing in line with that person after dark in a theme park, waiting to ride a roller coaster. Just try to fall in love when you're relatively young. Early 20's is ideal, and I say that from the perspective of someone who's not in his early 20's anymore. I think being in love when you're young just has some great advantages. It just plain does. Being young is better when you can share it in a meaningful way.

So apparently, that's what I think of while standing in theme park lines. Says something about me, I suppose.

But seriously. Listen to me on this one.

The show's title probably has a period attached, hmm.

Aaaaaallrighty.  Missed a couple of days, didn't I?  Yeah, well, that'll happen.  Maybe a lot.  But it's finally time I talk about more summertime TV!  As we've previously established, I've become hooked on three summer shows this year, and the first, which I mentioned earlier, is Wilfred.  I also said that the three shows, respectively, fall into categories for me.  One of the shows, I like.  One, I really like.  And one, I loooove.  Wilfred was the show I liked.  What's the show I really like?

Why, it's MTV's Awkward!

I've seen about as many episodes of Awkward now as I have Wilfred.  Meaning, I've seen all the Awkwards and missed a couple Wilfreds.  But so far, though I really do like Wilfred, I like Awkward a good deal more.  Why?  I'd say, first and foremost, consistency.   I think Awkward is actually really, really well done.  Well-written.  It reminds me a bit of Juno, which is maybe what it's shooting for?  I'm not sure.  But though it's a "teen" show, set in a high school kind of situation, it's better than the average entry into that genre, and I think, given the chance, it would actually appeal to a broader audience.  I think it tries hard to be more than just a teen show, and I think it succeeds.  I'm not high school age anymore (to say the least), and I certainly don't know what it's like to be in high school these days, but there's something about Awkward that rings true.  It has a very strong heart to it.  An interesting perspective.  I'd guess that some of the stuff the show covers really would resonate if I were still in school.  It's a comedy, and it's certainly played as a comedy, but it's not ever really a dumb comedy.  I think it touches on some interesting things.  And the BEST part of the show, by far, is Ashley Rickards, who plays the lead character, Jenna.  She's fantastic.  She's great at conveying Jenna's emotional state, she's excellent in more serious moments, but she's also really fun and immensely appealing.  She has a great, dry delivery.  And I think she's actually what elevates the show.  If I try to think of what it would be like without her, yeah, I don't know if it would really work.  Ms. Rickards is just perfect for the role.  You watch the show because you want to follow Jenna.  Rickards makes Jenna a sort of Juno-meets-Felicity.  Which is a good thing.  I'm impressed.  And I am impressed with the show.  I think the Sadie character is dangerously close to being just plain annoying with no redeeming value whatsoever, but I don't have a lot beyond that to complain about.  A good show.

So yeah, I'm watching MTV now for the first time in, like, forever.  But you know what?  Awkward isn't my favorite show this summer.  Nor is it my favorite summer series ... on MTV.  I just gave away the show I love this summer!  But I'll discuss that ... soon.  In part three of three of this awesome summer TV posting arc!  Woo!

And I told you to be kind...

Okay, so yeah, it didn't take long for me to fail at the "post every day" idea I had in my head.  It's hard to remember to do that when your previous posting schedule was something like: post ten times in a month, skip two months, post on consecutive days.  I'll work on this.  But in the meantime, it's 11:52 now, and I'm on the verge of going TWO days in a row with no post!  So here's another quick and dirty last-minute special.  Quick topic, quick thought.  Tonight, the thing that's on my mind is...

Birdy really needs to release her album in the United States as soon as possible.  She should be HUGE here.  She needs a more comprehensive website, too.  Because she - is - awesome.  Her take on "Skinny Love" is just so perfect, I don't know what to do.  And the video is almost MORE perfect, if that's possible.  Everything about that video just works for me in a crazy way.  So dark, so moody, so great.  The white dress is even perfect.  Recalls an earlier time, and that's a good thing.  Very good.  I have that video playing in another tab while I type this.  Meaning, I'm listening, not watching.  Yeah.  So.  Let's not get bogged down with THAT!  Anyway.  Birdy is brilliant.  How on Earth is she just 15?  What?  WHAT?  Crazy.  When I was 15, I ... well, I don't know what I was doing.

Hey, I owe you a TV post still!  I'll do it soon.  NO, REALLY.  Promise.

Phalaeodrobattleya.

Oooh, if I hurry, I can get this post done while it's still Wednesday!  Just under the wire.  I was thinking that maybe I'd try to post every day, even if I only came and said something lame (you know, like always).

And now I forgot what I was going to SAY here.  Wow.  That didn't take long.  Thanks, brain.

Well. let's think of something else.  Only 8 1/2 minutes until Thursday!  Must hurry!  Hmmm.

Hey, did I mention that I've become a huge orchid nerd?  I now have four, count 'em, FOUR orchids here in this room.  Two phalaenopsis, one dendrobium, and one cattleya.  I think I'm getting better at keeping them alive, though I'm no good at getting them to bloom ... YET.  I'm trying!  I know so much more about these things now.  I've learned all about what to plant them in, how to keep the roots just moist enough but not too moist, where to place them, all kinds of good stuff.  I've created little humidity trays for each one.  I actually buy these when Lowe's gives up on 'em and cuts the price in half.  Which means I haven't even seen what kind of flowers two of these would grow if properly maintained.  I hope I get that chance!  I'm excited to try.  The dendrobium is a huge mystery, more than the others.  I'm extra excited to see what kind of flowers it could reward me with.  Oooh.

If only I had more room, I would buy these things indefinitely.  But for now, the collection must stay at four.  Yes.

Less than three minutes to Thursday!  So let's call this post complete.  The promised TV posts, you ask? Soon!  Promise.  I didn't say they'd be posted consecutively, after all.  Okay, I may have implied that.  Yeah, I'll get to the next one soooooon.

Frankly, my dear...

In the spirit of keeping this blog light and devoid of anything serious, let's explore what useless things are rattling around my brain tonight.  Let's cap the number of things we explore to ... five, shall we?  We shall. So.  Here we go.  In my brain tonight, the following thoughts:

- I have a crush on the newest reporter at my local CBS affiliate.  I won't name her here.  Well, no full name.  Her name is Tara.  She's beautiful.  So beautiful.  And a really, really good reporter to boot.  And I think she went to my alma mater.  Alas, she just got married.  Which is neither here nor there.  Obviously.

The preceding paragraph is much needed proof that yes, I am a dude, despite my occasional rambling about animated Disney movies and Taylor Swift.

- The idea that Dylan and Cole Sprouse will be the featured ... um, attraction at an upcoming Reds game is too silly to be true, BUT IT IS TRUE!

- I'm excited, because I just bought a copy of 1995's "The Art of Pocahontas," which is about the Disney Pocahontas film from that year.  No, seriously, I'm a dude.  Remember when I talked about my crush on the reporter?

- Peanut butter M&M's are tasty.  I go through phases with M&M's.  Sometimes I just LOVE plain M&M's.  Sometimes, peanut!  Sometimes, something else.  But now, it's peanut butter.  Mmmm.

- I really, really wish I were spending tonight in a hotel room.  It wouldn't even have to be in a cool place.  It could be in this very town.  I just love hotels so much.  You don't even know.

Yay, that was fun!  I think this new, happy blog direction is going SO well so far.  And TWO posts in ONE day after weeks and weeks of silence?  It's pretty amazing.  I know.